"i am out with lanterns, looking for myself."
emily dickinson
she still smiles like the sun →
before you follow
꩜ do not follow...
You're a supporter of any isms/phobics, zionists, conservatives, ableists (including mental health), or basically if you're a shitty person. If you're constantly in drama. If you post indirects all the time. Under 21. Lewd accounts.
꩜ age restrictions
21+ to follow me and be friendly
25+ preferred for close friendships
25+ to write, non negotiable
꩜ OOC
Anything OOC that does not coordinate with my Indigo's storyline will have // indicators. That being said, I am not Indie, and she is not me. I reserve the right to ignore drama and to block anyone I want. I'm going to be very strict about this being a warm, welcoming, safe space for both myself and my loved ones. Mun is 25+, a lesbian, and married.
꩜ trigger warnings
Indie's story has dark themes, all of which I have a connection to and know how to write about sensitively. If you need a specific topic left out of our conversations/writing, please tell me and I will be sure to avoid it. Your safety comes first. I can adjust however I need to in order to accomodate.
꩜ writing info
I thrive in first person but am fine if you’d rather do third. I am literate and can write anywhere from one line to novella. I tend to match length. Sometimes I might go overboard even if you write little. That is not me pressuring you to write more so please don't feel that way. Write as much you have muse for and we will have fun. That's all that matters.
꩜ response times
I do not reply fast on a regular basis to anything, including banter in DMs and notifications on the timeline. Please do not pressure me to do so. I get so much anxiety when I have a lot to reply to and it takes me time. I am doing my best. Sometimes I also just want to yap on the timeline and not socialize. I'm very introverted. Love me anyway ok? In terms of writing. I will reply when I have muse and would like if you do the same. I might take forever and in return I literally do not care how long you take either. I just want us to enjoy ourselves.
hey, indigo!
Indie's story containts the following (possibly) triggering elements: overdose mention, parental neglect, panic/anxiety, ocd, grief.
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posts
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following
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followers
As a little girl, I really believed if I could make myself small enough, and stay cautious enough, I could avoid becoming like my sister.At three years older, Willa was everything I wouldn't let myself be. Rowdy, wild, emotional, and eventually out of control. She dyed her hair pink at age fifteen. Mom screamed a lot. She left home at sixteen and came back only when she wanted. Dad called her a lost cause. Mom told me she was just too sensitive. I never made my mind up on which was worse.I was nineteen when she died. Sat tucked away in the back row of a lecture hall, I was scribbling up notes on cognitive dissonance when the text came through about her hospitalization. I remember I dropped my lucky pen and watched it roll down to the row in front of me. I was so damn focused on that pen. I didn't cry at school that day. I didn't go to the hospital after classes, either. I made sure to bring my pen home, though.I went home and scrubbed the house clean until my hands were raw and bleeding. Dad called later that night to let me know she was gone. I hung up on him, did my vocal exercises, and went to bed. Our choir had a competition the next day.For a long time, I thought that grief would kill me if I looked directly at it. So I didn't. I became fixated on control, on perfection, on color-coded binders and worn out spiral notebooks. I buried my childhood dream of becoming a singer so deep beneath mountains of syllabi and APA citations that it began to feel like something that never belonged to me anyway.I didn't choose the mental health field as much as fell into it. After retiring my former life, it was a compromise. Psychology was something practical; it was scientific, yet emotional enough to maintain my distraction.Then I sat down with my first client, and all I could see was Willa. She looked at me with a spark of recognition in their eyes, almost like she was asking a question: You see me? And I did, but I saw Willa, too.Something inside me came to rest. This was a way to make all the weight matter.I'm 27 now. A social work grad student. In Fall I'll start interning at a trauma clinic, where I'll help kids who've lost their words and adults who can't lose their memories. I'll sit in rooms made heavy with silence, and in others I'll listen to stories that unfold in threads that catch on themselves. I like watching people remember themselves. I think it's helping me remember myself, too.My thesis is on manifestation. Not the hyped up, 'you go girl!' bullshit. None of the pop-psych nonsense. I'm focused on the science behind it, on connecting psychological and socioenvironmental theory to the power that lies in neuroplasticity. Where people can reclaim their own narratives, where naming a desire becomes an act of resistance. Where believing you have something can trample a fresh path across synapses. The way language and ideology can crack the window ajar after everything's gone dark.I'm married, now. My wife teaches me every day that I can carry the pain I once thought would kill me, which tells you all you need to know about her heart. She believes in me even when I disappear into my own brain, which is more often than I'd care to admit. I met some really terrible people before she stumbled into my lap. Sometimes I think I can still see them in the corner of my eye. Then she does something, like laugh in that incredibly loud, "I'm going to take up all the space I want" kind of way." And for me she does; she takes up all the space in the world. And God, does she carry it well.I still don't like opening up to people. I prefer to stay out of the way, and I'm probably the most avoidant person I've ever met. But I'm learning to open up again. Slowly. Tenderly.I've started singing again, too. Not on stages the way I used to dream of, but with friends, after downing a bit too much wine. In the car with the windows down. In the shower when no one's home.My voice is softer now. It's rough around the edges, plagued by years of cigarettes and inactivity. But it's mine, and I don't need it to be perfect anymore.I just need it to be honest.
dossier
| BASICS | |
|---|---|
| Name | Indigo Grace Adler |
| Age | 27 |
| Birthday | June 15th, 1998 |
| Gender | Female |
| Pronouns | She/Her |
| Degree | BA in Psychology from NYU (completed), Master's of Social Work from Rutgers University-Camden (in progress) |
| Work | Counseling Intern at Haven & Grove |
| PERSONAL | |
|---|---|
| NICKNAMES | Indie, GoGo |
| PARENTS | Julia Adler (Dad - Alive) and Margot Adler (Mom - Alive); Her father is physically distant and her mother is emotionally distant. |
| SIBLINGS | Willa (Older Sister - Deceased), Maverick (Younger Brother - Alive); Indigo calls Mav her brother, not bothering to distinguish that they aren't blood related. He's more than earned it. |
| CHILDREN | None |
| PETS | She takes care of stray cats outside of |
| BIRTH PLACE | New York, New York |
| CURRENT RESIDENCE | Lives in a small, cozy apartment with her wife in Camden, New Jersey. This can be altered as needed for writing purposes. |
| Zodiac | ☼ Gemini ☾ Virgo ꜛ Taurus ☿ Leo |
| Faith | Unlabeled; Believes in an unspecified higher power she respects and sometimes prays to. Believes in manifestation and karma. |
| LOOKS | |
|---|---|
| MUSE | Gracie Abrams |
| HEIGHT | 5’6" |
| BUILD | Slim/Slender |
| HAIR | Dark brown hair, almost black, which often varies in length. Most often worn loose or beneath a baseball cap. |
| SKIN | White; pale and burns easy |
| EYES | Brown |
| GLASSES? | Sometimes, but often wears contacts; depends on her outfit and associated preference for accessories. |
| STYLE | Minimal and cozy. Oversized sweaters, loose t-shirts, baggy pants/jeans, flowy dresses, neutral tones, and barely-there makeup. |
| OTHER | Prefers gold jewelry. Has a tattoo that says "River" on her forearm in Joni Mitchell's handwriting (a tribute to Willa's fav song). |
| LOVE | |
|---|---|
| 03.02.23 08.16.23 | Indigo is married to her wife since August of 2023, after a whirlwind romance that left her certain that her wife was her person. // At present, her wife remains unknown and is an NPC; In real life, the writer lives with and is married to Crash (@kidsbopchaos) since 03.02.25, who does not actively write on rp right now. Her wife will remain an NPC unless this changes. |
| AUDIBLE | |
|---|---|
| ACCENT | American |
| TICKS | Repeats herself often when nervous. Overexplains. Gets quirky phrases stuck in her head and gets stuck on repeating them. |
| LANGUAGE | Fluent only in English. |
| ARTICULATION | Clear and concise, explains self well. Abrasive at times. Can come off as offensive or condescending on accident when she’s trying to be helpful. Tone rises in pitch when stressed. |
| VOCABULARY | Is expansive, usage of more uncommon wording fluctuates dependent on the situation. Curses entirely too often, especially when feeling strong emotions. Can't stop saying "omg." It's a thing. |
| LAUGHTER | Soft and subdued, but comes out louder once she grows comfortable with someone. |
| VISUAL | |
|---|---|
| FACIAL EXPRESSIONS | Highly expressive face around friends. Only excels at maintaining a poker face when doing therapy work or when she focuses on trying to do so in times necessary. |
| HANDS | Was taught by her parents to always use hand and arm motion to express herself and place emphasis on certain words. |
| LEGS/FEET | Often found tapping against the floor, her knees bouncing with anxious energy. |
| EMOTIONAL EXPRESSION | Levels vary. Is more likely to appear stone cold than saddened in public, never wanting people to see her crack. Often tries to take this trait into personal relationships, too, which gets her into states of interpersonal stress. Will not cry in front of others unless severely distraught. |
| NERVOUS HABITS | Bites at her nails. Picks at her skin. Straightens objects around her. Leg bouncing intensifies. |
| POSTURE | Terrible. Absolutely terrible. |
| other | |
|---|---|
| DIET | Primarily vegetarian, but eats fish on occasion. Never meat. Hates milk. Drinks far too much caffeine. Doesn't eat on a regular schedule. |
| SLEEP | Occasional insomnia episodes due to her excessive desire to excel and anxiety. Will sometimes study or research for the entire night. |
| EXERCISE | Not feeling it. |
| WORK ETHIC | Extremely high work ethic, prioritizing her academics and career above all personal relationships. Gets obsessive and very hard on herself. |
| CLEANLINESS | A messy room will sometimes leave her in tears. |
| SMELL | Always smells like a mix of Glossier body wash and elegant, expensive perfumes. Even wears them to sleep. |
| NARCOTICS | Usage depends on who she is around. Avoids drugs, including weed, but does drink every now and then. |
| EMOTIONAL STABILITY | Mostly struggles with anxiety and sadness. Has obsessive compulsive disorder. |
| ADDICTIONS | Nicotine (vape currently; previously cigarettes). |
| ILLNESSES | GAD, MDD, OCD, PMDD, chronic pain. |
| OTHER | A very sleepy girl. Not the best company when very tired or hungry. |
interests
likes
trinkets, art, singing, frogs, scrapbooks, junk journals, reading, crocheting, doodling, quotes, studying, social justice, calico critters, getting my hair done, fortnite, animals, good films, laughing so hard my stomach hurts, tiramisu, stickers, napping, people who give zero fucks but are still kind, my wife, healing the inner child, bugs that don't bite, keychains, coffee of any kind, rocking back and forth, talking too loud and rambling on and on.
dislikes
black and white thinking, most spiders, all roaches (burn in hell), liars, anything that smells bad, people who post too many indirect statues, cancel culture (with exceptions), hot weather, jump scares, dog slobber, certain numbers, eating meat (i don't), 90% of men, being hit on, porn, people still supporting harry potter at all, disorganization, overstimulation.
the book nook
currently
2 textbooks and The Boy Who Was Raised As a Dog by Bruce D. Perry and Maia Szalavitz
next up
Home is Where the Bodies Are by Jeneva Rose (started earlier)
Hellllooooooo. I'm still working on this.
explore!
More can be found
under my pinned!
personality: explored
INFJ-T and 1W2-social
The way I am...
| INFJ | Energized by time alone, INFJ's are thoughtful and introspective. They are centered by deeper meanings, patterns, and potential. They make choices based on emotional impact, values, and empathy. They prefer planning, organization, and structure. They're known for being emotionally sensitive and intellectually deep. |
| 1W2 | 1W2s self-controlling, meticulous, driven by their integrity, and pulled by a desire to be morally upright. They are compassionate and giving, being driven by the need/desire to be loved, and can struggle with feelings of guilt and self-criticism. They think it's their duty to serve and uplift others while holding fast to strong moral principles. |
| Turbulent | Typically driven, cautious, and emotionally sensitive. Experience higher levels of anxiety and less emotional stability. |
| Social | Motivations are finding one's place in the group, comprehending social hierarchies, and frequently enhancing or advancing the common good. Social types pay close attention to how others relate to them and how they fit in. |
reminds me of you.
| Tigris Snow | Songbirds and Snakes | BOTH |
| Olivia Benson | Law and Order SVU | BOTH |
| Daenerys Targaryen | Game of Thrones | BOTH |
| Lexi Howard | Euphoria | INFJ |
| Saanvi Bahl | Manifest | INFJ |
| Bonnie Bennett | The Vampire Diaries | INFJ |
| Lottie Matthews | Yellowjackets | INFJ |
| Camille Preaker | Sharp Objects | INFJ |
| Juliet Burke | Lost | INFJ |
| Clarke Griffin | The 100 | 1W2 |
| Pepper Potts | Iron Man | 1W2 |
| Ray Schleine | Uptown Girls | 1W2 |
| Monica Gellar | Friends | 1W2 |
| Katara | Avatar: The Last Airbender | 1W2 |
| Jemma Simmons | Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. | 1W2 |
OOC:Ugh. Sigh. This will be sooo long and I apologize, but I do grow tired of typing all of this again and again to defend myself on the timeline when it resurfaces. I have a lot of shit to address after years of the story getting twisted by people not involved directly. Hopefully putting this in one solid format frees me from having to do that anymore.I went through a mental health crisis OOC in 2022 due to some extreme trauma (that I don't want to have to talk about again just to defend myself) and went into a state of clinical psychosis on and off for months. This was my third psychotic episode.During this episode, I acted in ways I wish I didn't and posted/said things I did not mean. I have since apologized both publicly and privately to those affected. Anyone who does not want to be around me anymore due to this is encouraged to keep their distance. I'm not trying to change your mind; this is not about that.User @cvntangels has been asked repeatedly to stop spreading screenshots I posted during this episode as I:A) Doxxed myself during it and used part of my RL name
B) Don't remember much of it and it's quite terrifying for me to see things said by "me" that I don't even remember, especially ones where I unknowingly disclosed OOC struggles such as my ED (a screenshot about this this has been used against me since then) (i don't want to talk about my ED on here, please do not bring it up after reading this)
C) Am still very actively traumatized and having flashbacks from my episodes
D)TW: sexual assault mention || Her main argument is based in something I said during the episode while triggered specifically by my history of SA in comparison to Casey Anthony's descriptions of the same. I have explained the voices I was hearing and what they threatened about my own SA if I didn't support CA after learning of her claims. I have already told her this, made it clear I do not support CA, and have asked her to stop telling people I do.She hasn't.Psychosis does not make sense. My command hallucinations did not make sense. I do not support Casey Anthony. I don't know what else I can say.Another argument she has supported through her friends is that I faked my psychosis. I have many, many people who can vouch for the fact I was in fact in clinical psychosis and have since gotten help. This includes my RL wife who has talked to my family members about this time before. It is so very cruel to even insinuate I would fake something that happened to me that traumatized me so bad. People seem to think psychosis is constant, 24/7. That is not true. I would have brief moments of lucidity and then get set off again. If you haven't experienced it, I don't know how to explain it. I wasn't there even when I was. For months.TW: psychotic descriptions, delusions, vomiting, police. || During this time, I believed the trees outside my apartment were communicating with me, that I was moving the shampoo bottles sitting on the side of my tub with my mind, that there were cameras in my apartment and an ex of mine was watching me and orchestrating the entire episode. I heard his voice from the other room and actually had to get up to make sure he hadn't come to find me in person. The cops were called on me because my family thought I was dead. I refused to be hospitalized because I didn't want to end up homeless (previous psychotic episode trauma). Eventually I got so scared I vomited on my carpet and called my sister to come help me clean it up because it got gross. I ate something and slept in her lap for the first time in days. She cleaned my apartment and I cried in relief. Then my mom flew in from a different state to be with me, soon had a stroke, and was diagnosed with dementia while I was still in and out of my delusions. I started to come out of psychosis around this tim. This was very real for me and it was traumatizing. I am being told it is manipulative of me to "use" my mental health as an excuse. I do not think telling my story in response to the blatant bullshit being spread about me is manipulation. I deserve to be able to tell it, and quite frankly this has been so invalidating and cruel that I don't know how else to respond. My begging her and others to leave me alone without details has not worked.@cvntangels has continuously used this time of my life as a "gotcha," to discredit me every time I call out any of her behavior towards me or the people I love.She posted on the TL during my psychosis episode that I was not actually being abused, and subsequently triggered me into invalidating my experience on and off for years by continuing this narrative/adding to it after I asked for her to apologize for saying it. At one point, she even tried to claim she never said it. I showed her a screenshot of it being said. The narrative changed to me being manipulative and using my abuse to do it. No accountability on her part.TW abuse mentions || She claims I was cheating on my boyfriend while with Aros (and insinuating she's therefore right to be posting these things about my psychosis I guess? Saying this to deflect? As another gotcha? I don't know. Anyways!) This was not true. While I was dating Aros, my rs with my ex was open. That rs with my ex was actively physically/sexually/mentally/emotionally abusive in person, a major trigger of my psychosis, and I'm not even getting further into this because it was never anyone's business to get into except the people involved. Mind you, Aros was also mentally abusive and I was getting hit from multiple directions and lost as hell. She has also posted screenshots of me reacting to Aros' mental abuse, a reaction after months of him playing mind games, as another "gotcha." It's sick.She continues to paint this narrative of me to discredit me and my experience of her actions even though I have given evidence, and my story has remained the exact same for over two years. I really am tired of telling it, hence this page.My problem with her has remained simple and focused. I have not made the low digs she has and I won't; all I have wanted is for her to take accountability for tweeting that I lied about my abuse, and for all the other lies she has posted since I first asked for an apology for that tweet.I have also repeatedly taken accountability for my part; again, let it be known that I was not always kind to @cvntangels, especially when I was with Aros, as he was telling me she didn't want him talking to me, etc. I still do not know if this is true, by the way, and I'm not claiming it is. Aros lied a lot. Believing him was on me. I don't expect me and @cvntangels to ever get along, but I do admit my own weaknesses and misogynistic behavior towards her in 2020/2021.I wrote this because I continue to get messages from people letting me know that she has still been telling others that I support Casey Anthony despite my literal begging for her to stop. Recently, her friends posted screenshots from this time despite me asking them to stop. She claimed this was not her problem since it wasn't her posting, yet she sent screenshots to them and she retweeted their post. And of course, she permitted them to post in the first place. But again, accountability dodged, I guess.Anyway, I deserve to truly, fully move on from this time and recover. Her behavior is grounded in ableism against people who struggle with psychosis, and the shame I feel for this time in my life should not be compounded by someone who hardly ever knew anything about me in the first place.I do not care who talks to her about this. I do not want to hear about it or be sent whatever reply she comes up with. She will make claims about me. I know this, and I do not need to see anything new from her. I have seen enouggggggh.I will not be pushed into silence by her reactions to me telling the story of what she has done to me. This is my side of the story. End of.cvntangels will likely never apologize, and I've accepted that, but that means I need to put hard boundaries in place so that I can feel safe. That includes speaking my truth and telling her friends to leave me alone. I do not care if you're her friend, but do not expect me to trust you or be yours. After all of this, I have the right to do that without it becoming another "gotcha" from her (hint: it already has before).With that, I want to move on from this. I've said all I can. I've explained over and over, and have apologized for my parts and worked hard to do better. If there is anyone else who deserves an apology from me for this time, please feel free to ask for it.Also - If anyone has any questions, please feel free to DM me, but please understand this is a sensitive topic and remain mindful of that. Thank you.